If you don’t feel it, flee from it. Go where you are celebrated, not merely tolerated.

Paul F. Davis

This quote inspires me the most in life. I didn’t understand it well at first but after a few incidents in my life. Growing up, I’ve always been the most active, talkative and mischievous child. I am the first child of of parents who have ultimately showered me with love in different forms. Some that I understood and appreciated since long but some rough love that I understand now as I’m growing up.

I grew up back in Pakistan, my father wasn’t there at birth as he had to earn here in Hong Kong for my families better future. Mum was always treated badly by her in-laws due to their stupid expectations from her, they wanted a son and I obviously wasn’t it. She at first had never complained to my father about how they treated her. my grandpa who’s in heaven now checked on his daughter every night from her bedroom window just to assure himself that she hasn’t been physically harmed.

My father who indulged himself in work for us hadn’t had any idea of what she was going through. all he could do was to send money, clothes and toys for me. For a daughter, whom he met 6 months after she was born. were we not satisfied with my father’s hard-work? We never got the gifts or clothes…my paternal grandma used to pass them onto her other grandchildren always taunting my mom for not having a son.

Mom always wanted peace and thus never rebelled or told on them. She knew her husband is a hothead who’d make wrong decisions in a fuss. maternal grandparents convinced dad to bring mom to Hong Kong as soon as he could. He did. I’ve witnessed my mother getting locked in a room for days, witnessed her tears and I know she only kept her cool for my future. I’ve witnessed pain and therefore, never have been nor want to be a pain in anyone’s story.

After me came my sister, a much wiser, smarter and obedient child. she’s the backbone in my life. Although I’m older, she handles more family tasks than I ever could. I firmly believe that she’s the ripe of my parents good while initially I was the bad apple fallen quite far from the tree. why initially? Because I’ve changed positively for the sake of my parents love and care.

I wasn’t ever focused on studying, I scored good in subjects I liked English and Biology, others not so much. I saw the pain and obvious disappointment in my parent’s eyes. That broke me , I started rethinking all my decisions, all the times I focused on satisfying my friends and being a good friend but forgetting my parents. Not being a daughter they deserved. I wanted to start working after DSEs but went for Associates instead just because I didn’t wanna embarrass my mom any longer.

“You can manipulate consumers into wanting, and therefore buying, your products. It’s a game.” ~ Lucy Hughes, co-creator of “The Nag Factor”

My mother firmly believes that being a teacher is the best job in Hong Kong because her friends say so. Their daughters are either teachers or pursuing teaching qualifications. I wanted to be a nurse but gave up on that for her. I never let anyone take what’s mine but for her, I stepped back from my dream. My mind was always filled with how good teaching is and how much respect is gained by being a teacher. Eventually, I wanted to be one too. This was a change that even my father noticed and spoke to me about.

I wanted to adapt to teaching and thus started working part-time in different agencies and tutorial centres. I wasn’t experienced at first so I would just agree to whatever I would be paid. In 2020, a life-changing moment happened. my good friend and I started working in an agency whom not only did not pay me my wages but also stole the cheque that was applied through my I.D and name. I called the boss out even though I knew I didn’t have another job to sustain my living expenses. I wanted to voice out for the unfairness I had been through but I was told having more than one victim would help me fight back. I instantly asked my “good” friend to be a witness since she hadn’t been paid then to my knowledge. I was betrayed … she made a settlement with the boss behind my back and did not stand up for me. I didn’t accept her when she wanted to renew her membership in my ‘Club of Life’. That’s a metaphor for people that I’m willing to let stay around me. I don’t blame her for what she did as everyone has their own story and their problems as well as reasons but in my story, I have a choice. The more people engage in positively witnessing each other’s lives, the greater solidarity and collective care is developed, and the less people become dependent on individual therapy, as quoted by Maggie Carey& Shona Russell.

‘Speaking out and being heard’ (Dulwich Centre Newsletter 1994 No.4)

I lost a friend but gained confidence that day and learnt never to settle. I helped other youths by raising awareness of the agency and making sure my other friends don’t fall into their traps and work for free. I started applying in other agencies and got hired instantly in one after a trial lesson. my pay is so much higher than it ever was. I am appreciated and cared for…

Never settle for less! Know your worth but don’t be arrogant either. Your parents are your biggest assets, they’re the only ones that would love and care for you unconditionally. I am only trying my best and working hard for my parents right now, they’re my biggest motivation to live and continue. who’re yours?